It’s been a few days since I’ve posted last. You see, I’ve been too busy relishing in the fun of handwritten letters to get on my computer! 🙂
In truth, it’s been a busy few days…filled with lots of thinking, dreaming and listening in closely to the world within me. With the assistance of a very gifted healer, I’ve been deeply involved in some personal healing this week. Lots of clearing out of old patterns and programmed structures deep in my psyche in order to open up to the light that has been trying to move within me and through me. I feel like I have so much to say and do and yet I feel kind of empty and still at the same time. It’s been a powerful experience, for which I am deeply grateful. The message that came loud and clear through this work is that I AM THE AUTHORITY IN MY OWN LIFE. Perhaps I knew this before, but I didn’t truly know it, live it and assert it with my choices and actions.
Even though I’ve always been adventurous, independent and “alternative” (whatever the hell that means…), on some level I’ve also always looked for someone or something outside of me to tell me what to do, how to act, how to live, what to eat etc., etc. I’ve never been truly able to look within to find those answers because inside my head there were always too many voices and programs instructing me (often in contradictory ways) and bossing me around. It was too jumbled inside for me to be able to clearly hear and follow my true inner voice. My deep-seated fear about how the outside authorities (society, family, teachers etc.,) would judge or rate me was stunting and disabling me terribly.
With this breakthrough of clarity I am suddenly aware of the compass and guide within me. I’m a little hesitant to follow it, still a bit disbelieving that it is in fact real and actually working for my highest good. I need to get very quiet to even hear it, but I know it’s there and I feel a deep sense of relief and gratitude for it’s presence. My challenge now is to really really honor it’s wisdom – my wisdom. As I adjust, my goal is to check in with myself often, and with no judgement, ask what I want to do….and with each choice I make in how I live my life, care for myself, feed myself, relate to others, do my work etc,….I will stop and tune in, listen attentively and with great self-love and tenderness, empower myself with my actions and thoughts.
This new mantra – I am the authority in my own life – is not an ego statement, for “I” am indistinguishable from God/Source…just as YOU are indistinguishable and non-different from God/Source. My wonderful teacher at the Crestone Healing Arts Center always emphasized that healing is about coming to a state of REMEMBRANCE of one’s own DIVINE nature. We are sick, we are lost, we are fearful because we have forgotten our true nature, we have forgotten our intimate and magnificent relationship with our Self and this is devastating to the soul.
Yoga as a practice of Self-awareness is a tool in my journey – a beautiful, inspiring, challenging and powerful tool. It’s good to have lots of tools in the toolbelt for you never know what you might need to whip out. Times are crazy right now, no doubt about it, lots of shifting is happening. It can be crazy-making, but I know that as always, out of the darkness comes the LIGHT. So keep calm and carry on.