Delivery, Please.

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It’s a bit odd and yet heart-sweetening to realize that you know someone that well and yet you are not bored.

When the rush-hour phone call to the cheap Asian delivery is ordered with an automatic knowing. Of course that’s what he wants. No need to think. Sesame tofu please. No egg right? No fish sauce please. I’ll pay cash at the door, as you run that yellow light.

Be it that, or Indian. Saag Paneer, no doubt. Chana masala, if we’re feeling spicy.

Sushi? Tempura rolls are a must. And there must never be the thought of shortage. We should have to beg the other to take that last piece, that’s how full one is after sharing sushi with my husband.

Pizza. Yes, always pizza. Banana peppers, olives, extra cheese. No more than two toppings unless the sky is falling down. Even though I question it every time, I know this is how he likes it, no if’s, and’s or but’s. Sounds blah to me, but it ain’t my pizza.

Speaking to a friend in passing about relationships I shared how I once stayed with a boy three years too long simply because I never spent more than a week at once by his side. Distance breeds overly optimistic perceptions of the reality of love.

Romance abounds, but with it, delusions and foolish desires of the possibility of change, even of the changeless.

Real love is sitting on the couch, exhausted and hungry. It is going to the bank and sorting laundry. It is distributing duties according to strengths and needs. It is the search for that one small but spot-on gift each birthday, each Christmas year after year, without becoming complacent or predictable. Real love is not either of these things, even when it appears routine.

True love is coming to grips with those opinions which you simply do not share, oh well. It is accepting one another’s weaknesses and sticky points, without thinking less of the person.

It is encouraging growth and sharing passions. It is deep-sea diving into the heart and finding that gem, the one that glinted in the sun first igniting a spark, years ago.

Real love is holding one another close, remembering that whispered “I love you” each night as you drift asleep.

And never ever forgetting it.

 

 

Keeping The Lovey-Dovey Alive

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My husband and I are nearing in on our first wedding anniversary. I’ve heard from many couples that the first year can be especially hard. Life after all the wedding hoopla takes a bit of adjusting to, emotionally and practically.

Our year has involved a lot of transition – new career, a big move, school, etc., Sometimes when we are caught up in the daily grind and “adult stuff” (basically, all the paper work, taxes, home ownership stuff that I hate about growing up) it’s easy to slack on being a sweet and loving partner. During these times, I am reminded of all the good advice I’ve heard about relationships requiring work and attention.

All in all it’s been a wonderful and exciting year, but there have been some small challenges and changes in our relationship of course.

Today I was talking on the phone to a friend and she asked if we were still “all lovey-dovey.” Happily, I was able to respond, yes, indeed we are.

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Things I Didn’t Believe In

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One rather illuminating experience I’m having as I grow up is the process of learning that certain ideas and concepts that I was dubious about as a rebellious youngster are actually true. I guess that’s why cliches are cliches – there is a truth present that is so obvious it is thus repeated over and over and although its repetition makes it annoying, it is no less true.

I started thinking a lot about this over the weekend because I had a long solo drive to and from Aspen to work on some wedding flowers. As I drove, I put my ipod on shuffle, which meant that I ended up listening to lots of the tunes I loved when I was in high school and college (when I was collecting the majority of my music). Music always carries vivid memories and nostalgia for me.

One thought that occupied my drive was that old phrase “TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS.” This is one of those quintessential cliches that, as I age, I realize is straight up capital T truth. Over time the physical and emotional wounds that feel so permanent when they are fresh, actually do heal. Just little scars and fleeting recollections remain.

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Why Not Celebrate More Often?

One thing that’s become clear to me in relationships and in life is that taking the time to make something a little more special or out of the ordinary is always worth the effort.

The last thing you want your life to be is boring, right?

I love dressing up and going out on a date with my husband like we did last week.

He shaved and put on some fancy pants, I pulled out one of my favorite vintage dresses and put on my “face”. We navigated our way to a different part of town to try out this fantastic new restaurant in Denver called The Populist.

We could have just said, “hey, let’s go out to dinner” and that would have been fine. But there’s something about qualifying it as a “date” that makes it so much more fun.

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On a date…

We never bring our cell phones. We sit and look into each others eyes and we talk about the big things, not just the “what do you need to do tomorrow” kind of stuff.

We eat dessert! Sometimes two.

My husband holds my hand, helps me with my coat, opens the car door for me and gives me extra kisses.

We always make sure to tell each other just how beautiful we think they are. It’s nice to be reminded of this sometimes.

We express how blessed we are to share this life together. Sometimes the days go by too quickly so it’s good to take pause and count your blessings and demonstrate appreciation for the people you love in your life.

Dates don’t have to be expensive or typical….

A fun date can be really simple. It’s the energy you put into it and the meaning you give it that makes a date special.

You could find a tango or salsa dance class to go to together.

You could go get fro-yo, then sit somewhere to people watch and make up stories about the folks that walk by.

You could go to an evening art walk. Lots of towns have events on the first Friday of every month where the art district is open for free gallery events. You can stroll around different venues, look at art and even get some free nibbles. Many museums are now open later on Fridays making this a fun and culturally-stimulating way to start your weekend off right.

You could go to a concert together or support your local theatre or symphony by attending a production. Going to the theatre always feels special. Plus, it’s more romantic than just a movie, in my opinion.

You could attend an Acro-Yoga class. This is always fun (and the just the right amount of silly too). Thaddeus and I co-taught a free partner yoga class on Valentine’s Day a few years ago. It was so wonderful to do this together and give this bonding opportunity to other couples.

You could go soak for hours in hot springs, drink coconut juice and massage each other’s feet.

You can even make a “date night” at home by mixing up your routine, cooking a beautiful meal together and sharing the evening by playing a game together that you both love. We love to chill on our living room ¬†floor and engage in some healthy competition in the form of backgammon!

These are just a few simple ideas and recommendations from my experience, but I would love to hear what you like to do to celebrate the love in your relationships. Please share!

Time moves fast so don’t forget to enjoy the good stuff and celebrate what you’ve got.

Blessings,

Frances